When I was younger, I broke my femur. Was it playing rugby you ask? Nope. Was it because someone took a shotgun to my upper thigh in an epic dispute over booty we had pillaged you ask? Nope. Was it at least in a car accident you ask? Nope. I broke my femur because a fat kid fell on me. Yes, what is potentially the most badass injury possible, I had happen to me because a fat kid fell on me.
Allow me to elaborate. I was only about 7 at the time, and I was a very thin youngling. My friends and I were playing tag after school waiting for our parents to pick us up. I tagged a friend of mine who can be described euphemistically as heavy set. I ran away, but there was a fissure in the ground that we were playing on and I tripped on it and fell on my stomach. He, in his relentless heaving pursuit, tripped on the same crack and landed on my leg, snapping my femur. It gets better.
While waiting for my mother to arrive, the genius teachers who were watching over the playground activities, thought it wise to pick me up and carry me to the principal’s office and lay me down on the table. This only caused further injury, and caused the bone to nearly break skin.
In any case, I was brought to the hospital where I had to spend quite some time because the bottom half of the bone had ended up overlapping the top part so first they had to attach weights to my leg and pull it down into the correct position so it could heal. Hospital stay lasted 10 days. Then I got a cast which completely encased one leg, went up to just above my belly button and halfway down the other leg. I was incapacitated for 6 weeks, unable to bend over, sit up, or walk. It was miserable.
Fucking fatass.
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